It's been a while, since a month, i haven't blogging..due to many stuffs happened in my life, things keep me away to wrote something in my blog (like usually i did). Thus, today, i keep playing with my keyboard's laptop to type something important.
How would you feel if everything's you've done so far to improve yourself performance it WORTHLESS??? i think most people do...
i have suffered this thing for a few years, it seems endless to me, why??? still, i keep asking myself for that too...i dunno why...why..why this thing happened??
Possible REASONS for me to keep THINKING are:
1) unsuitable course ( almost 4 years, i keep telling myself, i can be "better" with this stupid course rather than thinking about medical stuff, u know what was i thinking, F$#@ enough with this thing, i should just take another course but i can't afford to do that due to #$%@!&* family that i had right now, i'm so tensed)
2) bad grades ( almost 4 years, trying so hard to score & i keep telling myself (self-motivational), i can do better than this, still i've got BAD grades for most of the subjects especially BIO-Subjects, why??? S#$% and loathe myself coz what?? GOD SAID SO... i'm incompetent for all BIO-Subjects, so be it. foremost, the one who get the better grade is always the one i hate almost entire my life. Now DOUBLE UP tensed!!)
3) Excellent Speaker but BAD ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE ( almost 4 years, i'm experienced in many stuff that i have been appointed to do and most of it are accomplished the goal BUT when it comes to academic, VERY POOR, who should i blame that?? of coz, myself, incompetent to set up my time for study, friends n bla...bla...bla...i'm so damn FUCKING with this thing)
4) Family ( most of people will said, FAMILY is the most important one, i love my family, because of family i succeeded, bla...bla...bla...so many ways they said FAMILY is the one who influenced the positive of what they had right now. BUT as for me, NONE OF IT, because my family is PRESSURED, PROBLEMATIC, TENSED, ALMOST BAD STUFF, do call me freak or whatever you guys want but that's how i felt untill i'm reached 23 years old, nothing change for them, still the same way like they did keep pressuring and contained me. NOW, I'm REALLY MAD n TENSED)---> i keep myself away, away n away from them, coz i hated my entire life was depending on their opinions + decisions. that's how i ended up and if i'm always follow their opinions + decisions, SERIOUSLY, i will be ended up like MASJID guy or whatever GOOD guy they meant me to be. AGAIN, out of nowhere for me
As conclusion, almost 4 years, i had SPLENDID moment being here and grow at UMP, i thought i could change my life from miserable to BETTER ( i hate this word!!!! more than u could ever imagine!!). BUT IT WON'T CHANGE untill u have gone in this world. BE MAD WITH MY STATEMENT OR WHATEVER. i Don't care enough and i can;t just rely anymore with so many things coz WHAT??? GOD SAID SO...thx so much to fate n destiny i had to be in this world. THX AGAIN. I'm DEAD-MEAT...
