Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i feel TENSED....so much!!!



It's been a while, since a month, i haven't blogging..due to many stuffs happened in my life, things keep me away to wrote something in my blog (like usually i did). Thus, today, i keep playing with my keyboard's laptop to type something important.

How would you feel if everything's you've done so far to improve yourself performance it WORTHLESS??? i think most people do...

i have suffered this thing for a few years, it seems endless to me, why??? still, i keep asking myself for that too...i dunno why...why..why this thing happened??

Possible REASONS for me to keep THINKING are:

1) unsuitable course ( almost 4 years, i keep telling myself, i can be "better" with this stupid course rather than thinking about medical stuff, u know what was i thinking, F$#@ enough with this thing, i should just take another course but i can't afford to do that due to #$%@!&* family that i had right now, i'm so tensed)

2) bad grades ( almost 4 years, trying so hard to score & i keep telling myself (self-motivational), i can do better than this, still i've got BAD grades for most of the subjects especially BIO-Subjects, why??? S#$% and loathe myself coz what?? GOD SAID SO... i'm incompetent for all BIO-Subjects, so be it. foremost, the one who get the better grade is always the one i hate almost entire my life. Now DOUBLE UP tensed!!)

3) Excellent Speaker but BAD ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE ( almost 4 years, i'm experienced in many stuff that i have been appointed to do and most of it are accomplished the goal BUT when it comes to academic, VERY POOR, who should i blame that?? of coz, myself, incompetent to set up my time for study, friends n bla...bla...bla...i'm so damn FUCKING with this thing)

4) Family ( most of people will said, FAMILY is the most important one, i love my family, because of family i succeeded, bla...bla...bla...so many ways they said FAMILY is the one who influenced the positive of what they had right now. BUT as for me, NONE OF IT, because my family is PRESSURED, PROBLEMATIC, TENSED, ALMOST BAD STUFF, do call me freak or whatever you guys want but that's how i felt untill i'm reached 23 years old, nothing change for them, still the same way like they did keep pressuring and contained me. NOW, I'm REALLY MAD n TENSED)---> i keep myself away, away n away from them, coz i hated my entire life was depending on their opinions + decisions. that's how i ended up and if i'm always follow their opinions + decisions, SERIOUSLY, i will be ended up like MASJID guy or whatever GOOD guy they meant me to be. AGAIN, out of nowhere for me

As conclusion, almost 4 years, i had SPLENDID moment being here and grow at UMP, i thought i could change my life from miserable to BETTER ( i hate this word!!!! more than u could ever imagine!!). BUT IT WON'T CHANGE untill u have gone in this world. BE MAD WITH MY STATEMENT OR WHATEVER. i Don't care enough and i can;t just rely anymore with so many things coz WHAT??? GOD SAID SO...thx so much to fate n destiny i had to be in this world. THX AGAIN. I'm DEAD-MEAT...


5 comments:

HaNa said...

Hey bro, dun let ur mind think like that (fucking life; sorry if im mistaken).. u know what, life doesn't oweyz what we want, i oso hv that kind of bad experience, i think it worse than what u feel but the most important thing is the way we overcome it.. chill babe... hohoho... btw, working life we just use only 20% of academic... that is the fact... i dunno whether you hv heard tis or not.. just telling u, so dun worry ya! just let the -ve thinking go..

aMMerZ said...

hye Hana...thx 4 ur comment

i'm just normal human with countless mistakes...
i'm crush down, tumble n crumble...

it's easy to describe life, in many ways, we can't expect anything BUT STILL we need to COZ that's what made who we are right now...the one who stand here on earth...
either bad or good, that's our life!!

people just don't understand coz they are SELFISH---obviously---

talking abt working life, i did know the fact but i dream to end up my degree with flying colors--->that's my hope but it seems hopeless...

~i need to finish up this RUBBISH course a.s.a.p even i need to feel the pain!!~

HaNa said...

hmm, but u try ur best rite? calm down bro, there's still a lot of ppl who facing the same prob like u, u r not alone.. i think u better go on vacation, myb it could calm u down, just givin opinion..

Rowan said...

People quit early.

You didn't quit, take heart with that. This course is just a point in your life, who knows if it'll lead you to where you're supposed to go.

Take it easy :)

aMMerZ said...

@ HaNa

seriously HaNa, now i'm not in the mood to do my PSM, even i want to see my SV face also no mood at all, S%$#!!!yup, i'm thinking of oversea vacation, looking 4ward for that...soon, thx 4 such a good idea

@ Rowan

i didn't quit coz i have too. It's not easy 4 me either. seriously, i'm just thinking to survive rite now, excellent degree...never n ever~